Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Blessing of Service

Imagine your family as a team, with you at the base holding up the whole show...
To serve is a concept that is not well viewed in today's society. We are supposed to look out for number one, make sure our needs are met, 'express ourselves' and demand our rights.

As a spouse, these goals collide head on with the greater good of meeting the needs of our significant other and that of our children.

Imagine your sick child burning up with fever at 2 in the morning. Imagine your spouse coming home from a long day of work, hungry and demanding dinner even though you've put in a day's work much more intense than any 9 to 5 at home. Imagine your mother-in-law who needs a ride to the grocery store or a sick parent who needs you to run to the pharmacy because they've run out of a life-saving medicine.

At every turn a woman is asked to make sacrifices. And we are built to do it -- with a smile.

But if we buy into the urging of society consider our own needs first, the whole system crumbles.

Children don't get comforted as they're vomiting out their brains, husbands feel ignored and unappreciated as they make themselves a peanut butter sandwich, your mother-in-law deals with the powerlessness of not being able to attend to her own needs and being an imposition and your sick parent could end up in the emergency room with a much worse problem.

Does not compute. Women make sacrifices. They serve their loved ones and if they swallow the teachings of the modern world, every sacrifice they make feels forced. Resentments build. Repressed anger starts to manifest in excessive stress and physical illness. And if they believe that they are not fulfilled human beings if they are not investing their effort in scaling the corporate ladder, then they cannot find success or fulfillment in either the family realm nor the professional.

Service is not glamorous. It is not heralded except maybe in mother's day cards. It is not glorified and not even encouraged, except maybe in the military.

And maybe the military is a good example in this case. A soldier must follow orders without question. A soldier must sacrifice for his country and for his fellow soldiers. A soldier may not be rewarded or praised for all he or she does, and may even be vilified by most if the war or invasion they participate in is unpopular. Soldiers are called to do their duty above all else; to deny their hunger, thirst, tiredness, loneliness and to keep marching forward.

I believe we as women are called to do the same. We may not get a gold medal. Our fellow women might view our sacrifices as old-fashioned or antiquated. We might be ridiculed or told that we are wasting our lives.

But we who have chosen this lifestyle know better. We know that the rewards are much greater, not in the next life, for I don't believe we are called to make these sacrifices to 'earn' our ticket through the door of heaven, but rather we have the capability of creating heaven on earth -- a loving relationship of support with our spouse, nurtured confident children who grow up physically and emotionally healthy, loving, grateful in-laws and parents who don't feel they've been abandoned in their old age.

In the end, the effort we invest in our families -- sometimes sacrificing nights out with the girls or enrichment classes at the local university, or the respect of a society that values a Phd over a Masters in Mothering or an advanced degree in Loving Marriage -- is returned to us in blessings that have no price, pearls beyond compare.

It takes a strong woman to serve. It takes a strong woman to sacrifice. Don't be fooled into believing that you are caving into everyone's demands at the expense of your own well-being. We are meant to take it -- and then some.

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Faulty Logic of Feminism

The fact is that men need moral women.  Perhaps one of the greatest tragedies of the feminist movement was the pre-occupation of many feminists to make women more like men.  To a large degree, the feminists abandoned the stay-at-home mother and those who desired the traditional family experience.  Women were not only told to leave the home and go into the workplace to claim their rightful positions, but they were also encouraged to abandon many of their innate qualities and values. 

Feminists viewed a woman’s nurturing characteristics, for example, as useless baggage that harmed them.  Instead of promoting family and children, the emphasis shifted to wants and desires of the woman regardless of its impact upon the family.  Men and husbands were viewed with contempt and children were seen as a hinderment to self-fulfillment. 

Interestingly, the feminist movement abandoned and held in contempt the most admirable qualities of women.  It viewed the achievements of men as the ultimate prize while turning against the unique and remarkable characteristics of its own species. 

Even more remarkable, the feminist position concluded that female characteristics were inferior to those of men.  While women have historically been nurturers, caregivers, teachers and the foundation of home life, morality and virtue, feminists interpreted such traditional roles and characteristics as a form of repression.
More here:

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Learning from this Earth’s First Couple

Adam and Eve are the models or archetypes for our life experience. Where they have led, we follow. What they have done, we are expected to do. So we study their lives for direction.

Adam and Eve had every reason to be gloomy about life in this world. They had lived in serene and peaceful abundance. Then they were evicted and sent to the slums. Eve’s sorrow was multiplied and the ground was cursed for Adam.

Was this a tragedy? No. It was a brave step toward eternal accomplishment. Note the encouraging truth nested in the words of the curse:

… cursed shall be the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life. (Moses 4:23, emphasis added)
The curse was and is a blessing. Through our labors and struggles, we will learn to know good from evil. We will suffer the bitter taste of evil. We will learn to enjoy the sweet fruits of goodness. We can learn to choose and cherish the good.

More here:

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Why women shouldn't work outside the home...


Please read this first...

strong words that ring true... but let's get down to the nitty gritty?

what is virtue?

what is purity?

as adolescent girls, as girlfriends, as wives, as mothers, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law...

i think this opens up a huge can of worms... but one worth sifting through so we can talk in tangible terms.

there are a number of important realms where i feel these concepts apply...

survey SAYS:

re: sexual behavior...

we who are out in the 'world' are taught by tv and movies and oftentimes the behavior of our parents or peers, that it's okay to meet someone, have sex, go home, meet someone else have sex, ad nauseum.

we who are raised Christian are told to stay chaste and save ourselves. this concept out of the context of the church to most seems utterly ridiculous. because kids become sexually active so young, we all know and have observed all around us that relationships don't last. so it is natural when the first boyfriend doesn't 'work out', one moves on to the next.

the casual nature with which we treat the relationships i believe is the issue more than the sexual activity.

we rationalize abandoning a relationship because we are bored, the sex isn't that great, he has bad habits, he isn't on the same path, because we got a job on the coast, because we liked someone else better....... etc, etc...

it may be okay to have sex young (look at Romeo and Juliet)...sexual attraction is the first thing that draws us to our mate. But what keeps us together is creating a partnership in which the man is the leader and provider and the woman is the nurturer and homemaker.

without that balance of roles, i believe NO relationship can work out.

woman are by nature very capable, oftentimes more so than men. evolved to be multi-taskers, with a facility for human relationships and a high emotional IQ, capable of learning any task a man can.

BUT, once we take that step; once we prove that we can make it on our own, it opens the door to break off a relationship for any reason.

what we don't know is that our role is to encourage the man in our life by the love and attention we give him to go out in the world and conquer it. Think Helen of Troy... men will do anything for love. they will do anything to win the woman of their dreams. they will create amazing technologies, build tall buildings, maybe even start wars... but if we don't hang back and give them the opportunity to shine; they won't.

if we are better than them at everything, they will feel increasingly insecure.

if we tell them how to manage themselves, and continually criticize assuming we know better than they, we will undermine their self-assurance and confidence.

the balance is that we choose not to act, and provide a springboard for them to go out and do amazing things.

why is this better for us?

in the home, we can be master artists, decorators, amazing chefs, seamstresses, gardeners, we can dedicate ourselves to whatever form of self-expression we prefer; writing, singing, painting or sculpture. that doesn't mean be LAZY; any mother with kids knows that spare time is golden, but a WORKING MOTHER will tell you spare time is an impossibility, and a SINGLE WORKING MOTHER will only role her eyes and say, "what, me? take a long bath, write a poem? i can't even get my bed made or even brush my hair before walking out the door"

the key is this symbiotic relationship i believe we are meant to form opens the door for both men AND women to be all they were meant to be; to fulfill the potential G-d sent us into this reality with from the day we came shooting out of our mother's womb...

But on the contrary, we are taught as women to compete with men, that if we do not pursue a profession outside the home we are wasting our talent, that if we don't work we are LAZY.

(could that be a strategy of the big corporations to create double income homes so there would be more cash pumped into buying what the media says is necessary for a quality lifestyle???? by the credit card companies to get families in debt so women HAVE TO work just to keep their heads above water....)

and then the ramifications in society of a mother absent from the home, and children left to be raised by low-paid daycare assistants without much training or education. latch key kids, who don't know what a home-cooked meal is, who do homework alone, who go out and play and get into trouble because there is no one to notice where they went and with whom...

there is no substitute for what a woman can do in the home for her husband and for her children; the hats she wears are endless and provide more than ample opportunity for her to shine and grow in a million different ways.

if she goes out and works for some company, she will only shine in one.

and it could never bring the same satisfaction as it does to observe the pride of success in her husbands eyes or the contentment of having happy, grounded, balanced and nurtured children.

no fat check or promotion are substitute.

the other side of the coin is that when couples say their marriage vows they almost invariably state they will be together "in good times and bad". this is the biggest bunch of lip-service crap i have ever heard.

when the going gets tough, most couples shatter.


a woman who works can send her man to hell on a dime.

a woman who does not, must stay and work it out.

very simple. too simple.

the problem is, now that the feminist revolution has taken place, and women know they can compete in the working world, a woman who chooses to refrain from it, is almost choosing her jail; willingly forcing herself into a position of needing her spouse. that is, if she sees it from that perspective.

if she could only stick around long enough to experience the joy that comes from overcoming difficult moments as a unit... if she could only hang in there to see all the fruits of a joint investment of life energy... if she could only have a little faith that even though today her spouse is being an insensitive asshole, tomorrow the clouds will clear and her meekness and humility will pay off in spades.

but most women these days don't have the ovaries.

that's why we need a network of support; not friends who say, "you don't need that guy, dump him, he's a can come stay with me" etc...

we as women tend to 'support' each other in that way; we rarely help each other to stick it out.

this topic is enormous and only the tip of the iceberg...

i need help from all you ladies out there to speak from your experience...

maybe i'm deluded; coming from such a heavy duty feminist training in college, a lifetime of being a working professional, i would never in a million years have dreamed i would write these words... but after 2 failed marriages, and two more failed live-in situations with endless 'possibilities' in between, and after having to humbly admit that something i was doing was not working... life presented me with an opportunity and a challenge to try something different.

and if i weren't happy, if i didn't feel at peace and in balance (in a way meditation and 12 step meetings never achieved) if i had not watched myself become younger and more beautiful as the burden of carrying the world on my shoulders slipped off my back and onto my spouses... if i hadn't experienced it for myself, after a lifetime of suffering through relationship after relationship, i would never be able to write these words...

love to hear your feedback... What are your thoughts?

Friday, June 18, 2010

M.Hope responds...

Sherri, i think these teachings are wonderful and accurate. I believe, however, that for other women to receive them they must COME from a woman. Women of today are not taught to respect and honor men as teachers, lords, kings, G-ds. But as they say in AA, it takes an recovered alcoholic to lead another alcoholic into the program; it is the only way they can trust that the system works.

You know because you were brought up in this lifestyle. I know because I tried everything else and by a scientific process of deduction and Divine Intervention came to a state of enlightenment about gender roles. And I am still learning day by day. I had to first come to the realization that what i was doing was not producing the results that I desired. Again, from the 12 step program, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Until a woman is convinced that her current behavior is ineffectual, she won't be willing to try something different.

I really like the second article that talks about mothers having the last word. I believe that to be the case, however, HOW we express that last word has everything to do with how it is received. A woman cloaked in humility, honor, dignity, and respect will be heard more loudly than a woman who bulldozes over her spouse and family. My mother-in-law just this morning explained to me the secret behind her political and professional success (she was a senator in a time when women did not have such roles):

"Navegar con bandera de pendeja."

Loosely translated, "Sail your ship with the flag of stupidity."

That, of course, is a crude and somewhat cynical way of expressing that she was able to get her point across and be heard once she had listened to all the men surrounding her until they finally looked to her for her opinion. After gleaning all the important information by respectfully and attentively listening, she would then guide them all in the gentle, nurturing way a mother guides her child to knowledge and understanding. She was not in competition with her male peers. Instead, at every level, she was showered with praise and her presence was desired. She didn't achieve her position by discrediting the men around her; but by creating a spirit of unity, partnership and cooperation.

There's a clue here to what a new world order could look like. Competition for resources, riches and power have led our planet on the path of destruction. Any woman who desires a better world for her children, grandchildren and future generations if we make it that far, should take a part in contributing to a world of love, compassion, empathy and cooperation, rather than jumping full-force into an already failing system and bullheadedly insisting that she knows how to fix it.

What we as women do in the home can have such far-reaching effects; if we were to leave behind our ego, demanding equal pay and equal recognition, and understood that the power we wield by molding our children into loving human beings will ultimately change the course of history... well, life on this planet would be vastly different.

I'm going to put this in a blog. I think if we publish these conversations, women of all religions, ethnicity, and social classes will have a world of knowledge and thought-provoking opinions to contribute. The questions we ask each other as women will spark new conversations that may lead us all closer to the Truth, to enlightenment and ultimately, peaceful contentment and inner, as well as outer balance in the home and in society.
in love,

Sherri's suggested reading list, for starters...

She writes after our long heart to heart the other night:

I found three different talks from the last world conference in April that focus on what we talked about. Not to mention numerous other words threaded into many other talks that support the idea of what a Womans true call in life can be and the happiness that comes from living a life of love and dedication. And I thought you might enjoy some of what is expressed here. I believe these speakers to be modern prophets. Gods mouth pieces for things relevant to what is going on right now. And so it is quite significant that the divinity of womanhood and mothering was such a consistent theme. Read at will and know that I love you!,5232,23-1-1207-6,00.html,5232,23-1-1207-31,00.html,5232,23-1-1207-11,00.html

The other day...

I met with a close friend of mine, with whom I have always shared a special rapport. She has always attracted me for a plethora of reasons. Here are a few. She is a wonderful, attentive mother to four children. She is an excellent homemaker. She always wears a smile and exudes a sense of balance and peace. She always has a project going...she is crafty! She makes the best halloween costumes for the entire family and every year each of her kids has a fantastic, themed party with a cake baked and designed by her.

She is the mother I wanted to be and maybe came close to being.


I had to work. I was a single mother. I was in a constant daily fight for survival.

So, when my son was young, my mothering consisted of making him oatmeal in the morning, strapping him to his highchair, jumping in the shower, and praying to my higher power that Elmo would distract him enough so that by the time I got out, he would not have wiggled himself out and toppled the whole thing.

It consisted of dressing him and myself with less than meticulous care and racing to drop him off at daycare ($600 bucks a month!) and then jumping on the freeway into traffic praying i got to work on time.

It consisted of slaving all day to make some corporate fat cats rich while i visualized how my son was spending his day; were they feeding him? were they really watching him along with 50 other toddlers? was he learning? did they soothe him if he cried?

When the clock struck 6 i would race to the parking lot, once again jump into traffic and pray I reached the daycare before they closed; 5 minutes late implied a stiff penalty -- one i couldn't really afford to pay.

I would arrive to find him strapped into another high chair with a toy in front of him, in line with 50 other toddlers strapped into their high chairs. I repressed the instant thought that maybe he had been like that all day.

I would pick him up, buckle him into his car seat, stop off at the grocery store, get home, buckle him once again into his highchair or grow increasingly anxious as he stood on the other side of the gate at the kitchen door and cried as if his heart would break and try to cook a nutritious meal.

Needless to say, housework was not even in the question.

We two would eat our dinner, then an hour together as I bathed him. It was a special moment in the day; our only tranquil, 'quality' time. Then pajamas, bed and a book that would inevitably put me to sleep before it did him.

Does this sound sane to you all?

Does it sound like the way it is supposed to be?

Sherri and I met the other night and had another one of our heart-to-hearts. Women pour out their souls like nobodies' business. That's one of our special traits.

We nurture each other. We help each other. We learn from each other. That's why I'm starting this blog.

What i know now, I wish I knew then. What I know now and what Sherri knows because she was brought up that way, I think could change many women's lives.

Let's talk about it.