Hard to Be Humble

from Wikipedia:
Humility (adjectival form: humble) is the quality of being modest, reverential, even politely submissive, and never being arrogant, contemptuous, rude or even self-abasing. Humility, in various interpretations, is widely seen as a virtue in many religious and philosophical traditions, being connected with notions of transcendent unity with the universe or the divine, and of egolessness; by contrast, some schools of thought are sharply critical of humility.

I can hardly read this definition without my stomach churning, my eyes rolling and feeling that squeamish conviction in the center of my chest as the voice inside me says, “you, honey, are sorely lacking in this department.”

So maybe it’s best to humbly step aside and insert here some commentaries I found in my research on the web about the topic.

from the following webpage:
http://www.gospelway.com/christianlife/meekness.php

Wives' Submission to Husbands
1 Peter 3:1-6 - Repeatedly God says wives are to be submissive to their husbands. In the midst of this teaching, he requires women to be adorned with a "meek (gentle - NKJV) and quiet" spirit. Note this instruction is in the middle of the discussion of obedience to husbands. Why?

Why do many modern women deny the concept that man is head of the family? Why are so many women unhappy and rebellious toward the idea of following the will of their husbands?

There are several reasons, including the fact many husbands selfishly misuse their authority and fail to treat their wives with honor and respect (v7). But some wives have trouble obeying when their husbands do not accept their wives' view, even when husbands are respectful. And Peter said wives should obey husbands even when husbands are not obeying God's word (v1).

Why do women struggle with this? Because it is so "humiliating" to have to do what a man says. Woman has her own ideas about what she wants to do. "My ideas are just as good as his." "I've got my pride, you know." Many women are encouraged by modern humanistic psychologists to be "self-assertive" and "stand up for themselves." God says what is needed is a "meek and quiet spirit."

There are other forms of ordained authority we must submit to: children to parents, employees to employers, etc. None of us is free to do just whatever we want. All of us need to learn meekness and humility.

Note we are to submit first to God; we do not obey man when he tells us to disobey God (Acts 5:29). But we still are not doing what we want. We do what God demands first, then what those in authority demand. We do what we want only when allowed to by God and by proper human authorities.

The solution to our stubborn, rebellious attitude toward authority is meekness and humility.


and here's some more about meeknees and humility
http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=17009

Let’s consider together the Crowning Quality of a Meek and Quiet Spirit as an adornment of the godly Christian woman. We need to learn what God expects from us regarding proper godly character, attitude and behavior and how to apply these in our daily lives as professing women of God. We also need to learn what God expects from the Christian men in our lives – our husbands/future husbands, our brothers, our fathers, our sons, our sons-in-law, our church leaders – so that we can encourage and support them and even hold them accountable to fulfill their proper godly roles as professing Christian men.

Some Crowning Qualities
By both precept and example, the Scriptures give us many crowning qualities of godly Christian womanhood. Many of these qualities apply to all Christians, not just women; but the woman who crowns herself with them is indeed adorning herself as a true woman of God. Examples of such women whom we can emulate are Sarah, Ruth, Esther, Deborah, Mary the mother of Jesus, etc.

Here’s a semi-exhaustive list of those crowning qualities:

• A devout spirit (devoted to God, obedient to His Word, seeks His face in everything, faithful, puts God first, joyfully submits to His will, etc.)
• Wise
• Virtuous
• Hospitable
• Kind
• Always ready to serve
• Always ready to labor
• Self-sacrificing
• Humble
• Liberal, generous
• Submissive
• Meek and quiet in spirit
• Modest
• Chaste
• Sober
• Industrious
• Diligent
• Strong and courageous
• Trustworthy

The crowning quality of godly Christian womanhood that we will focus on for this series of bible studies is a meek and quiet spirit as it relates to 1) modesty, 2) submission to husbands (future husbands), and 3) the husband’s duty in marriage.

I remember seeing this video almost a year ago:



I was so struck by it; because the woman's attitude was so attractive. She seemed so peaceful and so at one with herself and her significant other. She wasn’t hogging the stage or trying to be the center of attention. She was there to accompany, support and complement what her spouse was doing.

I couldn’t have identified her attitude back then as ‘humility’ or ‘meekness’.

Not in my vocabulary.

Not a quality that was much lauded in my home, since my mom dumped my dad, always knew better than him, always put him down, never supported him, was vocal about the fact that his ideas were crazy and that he was a good-for-nothing that couldn’t support his family.

THAT was my model of male-female relationships.

Now I know that that model is a guarantee for failure.

Now I know that the humility has to come first. When we meekly step out of the way, they (the guys) will blow up larger than life to more than fulfill the task they are blessed with -- providing for and protecting their families.

I have a long way to go before I can ever pretend to personify this trait. And out in the world, you can’t even talk about it. Most of the women I’ve ever associated with in the past, even the women in my own family, would laugh in my face or assume that I had gone mad.

That’s how backwards things are today.

I say, “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”

Five reasons I must do as my husband tells me...

1.) When two people try to row a boat, each in their own direction, it goes in circles or goes nowhere or sinks.

2.) Because humility and submission build strength of character and kill the ego, which is the goal of Buddhist practice as I understand it.

3.) Because faith without question in the male as head of the household injects him with the energy he needs to accomplish what is necessary. A man who is constantly questioned, made to explain himself or challenged will become frustrated, will doubt himself, will feel unsupported, and will inevitably falter.

4.) Because if I allow him to call the shots and firmly hold the reins, he also holds the responsibility and the accountability, which is infinitely more comfortable for me as wife. (here’s an aside; I had a running joke with at least three different spouses -- yes, I’ve been working on an honorary Elizabeth Taylor award -- whenever I would doubt him and almost inevitably find out he was right, I would repeat like a mantra, ‘I will never doubt you again’. And we would laugh. But now I realize, I would say it, but I would never mean it, because I was unwilling to let them --- the men --- lead. I was trained that men are untrustworthy, that they are incapable, that they will fail you, that it is better to be strong and independent and send them straight to hell if they don’t comply or behave -- thus the running string of unsuccessful relationships).

5.) It is divine order, the way things were meant to be. It’s not that woman can’t lead or call the shots, that we’re not strong enough or we’re too stupid NOOOOO! It’s that by design we were meant to be protected and cared for and when we are, when we truly feel shielded, that we have a man who would kill the bastard who touched a hair on our head, we can relax. We can lay down our weapons and our shield. We can live serenely and dedicate ourselves to loving and nurturing our spouse and our families. We are no longer in a fight or flight, adrenalin-pumped state. We can grow our hair and nails long. Create beautiful, comfortable homes. Focus on our children. Really be with them and listen to them and just hold them; not shove 5 minutes of quality time in at the end of a long day of battling it out at the office.

Talk about a topic that would be unpopular with the feminists. I repeat, I would never have dreamed in a gajillion years that I would write these words.

They come from repeated trial and error and from a scientific mind, an objective, analytical mind that had to admit after life beat the shit out of her in relationships, that something was out of balance.

By the way, I did try women.

But the answer to me balancing my overly masculine energy was not to pair up with a woman. The answer was to find a man who was man enough to be my man.

Finally.

ps.



I searched on 'obedience' in Google, and this cartoon about women trying to teach their husbands to obey was all I could come up with. May be a clue about the nature of relationships in today's world, and how obedience is a term that can only be applied to dogs and dominated husbands.