Faith in Him

FAITH

1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. See Synonyms at belief, trust.
3. Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance: keeping faith with one's supporters.
4. often Faith Christianity The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will.

As I write for this blog, it becomes more and more apparent that the role of women is to embody, cling to and revive qualities that in modern society are not lauded or supported.

As I read this definition of faith, I feel how it can be applied in a relationship and make all the difference between one that lasts and one that crashes.

The man in our life needs our faith in him. When all ‘logical proof or material evidence’ seems to scream that he’s making mistakes or that things are going in the wrong direction or that his wild schemes will lead to no good end, we have the sacred duty to continue to believe in our spouse.

What happens when we lose or choose not to employ “confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness” of our significant other -- well, what’s left? Where do we go from there?

Without faith in our spouse, we are left with a few options and as they play out, they don’t paint a pretty picture.

We can nag. Criticize. Point out all the faults and missteps. Manipulate. Try to get him to see it our way. All typical of the worst stereotypes of passive-aggressive behavior women utilize to move things in the direction they think is correct. Any of these imply we don’t trust him. Don’t believe in him. Don’t value his judgement, his choices, his leadership.

Most of us reading this come from Western society in which we venerate a system called ‘democracy’ in which all members of a society have an equal say in the decisions affecting the group. If we try to apply this system in a family relationship, it will bring about its destruction. I won’t try to extrapolate on a global level, since this is not the focus of this blog, but you can draw your own conclusions. To criticize democracy as a viable system in any context (except the military) is the highest level of blasphemy, but I’ve always been unabashedly sacrilegious. I believe in questioning everything, holding all belief systems to the highest standard of scientific analysis with a basic objective -- to identify if it works or if it does not. Again, working from my extensive personal trial and error and the observations of family, friends and the society around me, our current system of mating and creating families is inherently flawed, and I believe one of the root causes has to do with a lack of faith in the man as unquestioned leader and head of the household.

We are not supposed to question. We are not supposed to doubt. We are not supposed to offer our analysis unless specifically asked. We are to have faith. Unquestioned, unshakeable, blind faith.

Like we do in G-d.

As I write this, I am overwhelmed with how huge a task this is. How unpopular this belief is, even in Judeo-Christian society where the Torah and the Bible both identify men as the dominant leaders of families. Like we do in G-d.

Falls like a ton of bricks.

Yet this is the task we are charged with. To sit on our hands and to glue our lips shut with SuperGlue if necessary. And not be muttering and cursing under our breath. Because whether or not we voice our doubt it can be felt. So we are talking Herculean efforts to short-circuit any thought patterns that even resemble doubt before they take root, before their energy is manifested, before our spouse can get a whiff and feel the wind go straight out of his sails.

As alternatives to faith, after the whining and the manipulation afore mentioned, everything goes downhill from there.

When faith is lost, I and many women I know have grabbed the reins and taken over. We go out, get a job, become the heads of our household, calling the shots, demanding our rights, and demeaning our significant others. They become less. We prove that we are better providers than they. We prove we can do what they can’t. Which ultimately proves that they are worthless. Theat we don’t need them at all.

Next stop, everybody out.

: Separation, Divorce, Custody, Remarriage.

Start process over from the beginning, but with ex spouses and half, whole and step siblings. DC al CODA for you music fans out there.

Seen from this perspective maybe it would be easier to learn to be soldiers. Learn to follow. Learn to say “yes, sir” and keep our mouths shut, not speaking unless spoken to.

It may sound archaic, but once again referring to the example of the army -- a soldier would never question the decisions of his troop leader.

So, put yourself in boot camp.

Try faith. Try believing in that which may AT THE MOMENT have no material evidence. Try putting a sock in it. Try LOYALTY and ALLEGIANCE and all those things you promised at the altar.

The alternative is really not one.

The seed of faith you plant in your spouse will bear the sweetest fruit. This comparison also works well in this case -- you plant a seed and you KNOW if you water it, give it sun, tend to it -- it will GROW. This actually doesn’t require MUCH FAITH AT ALL!!!!

A man who perceives your unquestioned loyalty will ultimately lay the world at your feet. All you have to do is believe.